Hit of Mega-Depression
July 14th 2008 04:25
I come from a long line of depressives. My mum showed me tendencies of the condition when I was young, and like any good sycophant I picked up the disease and took it with me into my own existence.
I have always had an element of sadness, pity, in my character. I always played the victim. This mild depression has been with me since I was 14 and the first sign of pubic hair.
But I have learned to differentiate mild depression and mega-depression.
Mega depression sets in when you finally see the negative tendencies of your character. Those pieces of you that usually work on a subconscious level.
You always suspected yourself of being a coward, an asshole to your friends and family, retarded in the ways of society, needlessly negative.
It’s when these things are truly displayed on the conscious level, out in the open for all to see, that Mega Depression begins.
You now are forced to come to terms with the negativity that has permeated throughout your life. Like a junky you are addicted to negativity, you may not revel in the fact that you always make things worse, but you always go for that ditch whenever a challenge appears on the road of life.
You are a coward. You have shied away from every challenge that life has given you. Your soul becomes darker as you deflect and distract yourself from the speaking universe. You become an out of synch entity in a reality where everything is provided for you.
And the negativity that comes from your wrongly interpreted choices and decisions becomes like junk. You get a fix wherever you can.
You back out of social obligations, retreat from your friends, sit in your room and smell the stinking life you have made for yourself. You never let anyone get too close, for fear they may come to know you, when you don’t even know yourself.
You tell yourself the lies of positivity; love, opportunity, acceptance, pride, purpose. But you are telling it to negativity, who, like any pusher will give you any reason in the world to stop thinking what you are thinking and get more junk into you!
And if you feel you haven’t worked towards the negativity in your soul, that it’s not your fault, well, how can you possibly believe that positivity will take root and flourish the same as the negative has WITH NO WORK from you at all?
A coward is someone who does nothing. A coward thinks everything will be ok while people die in the streets searching for food or freedom. Cowards keep their love for themselves, thinking it’s the only warmth they will find in this human machine.
A coward doesn’t think of their friends, their closest ties in the web of influence that is humanity. Cowards burn bridges and don’t even admit to the trail of smoke behind them.
Mega-Depression lets out the monster, and it’s up to you to tame it, or kill it. Killing off a part of your personality is very hard and not accepted readily by those that may have been affected by the monster. Even if you kill it, the ghost remains in the hearts of the betrayed, and they may resurrect it at a later time.
It is best to tame the monster.
Let it breath, but only shallow breaths. Never give it heaving lungfuls of what it wants. Accept it as part of you, and like every other part of you, it can be adapted, brought under control. Learned from without being led by.
What you plan to project on the world as a whole, projects onto your loved ones first.
If you want to see the world burn, humanity destroyed, be prepared to watch your own little world burn first, to watch your friendships destroyed.
If you want to be accepted and loved in a world of endless possibilities, well, you work out the grammar.
Or I could just get over myself.
I have always had an element of sadness, pity, in my character. I always played the victim. This mild depression has been with me since I was 14 and the first sign of pubic hair.
But I have learned to differentiate mild depression and mega-depression.
Mega depression sets in when you finally see the negative tendencies of your character. Those pieces of you that usually work on a subconscious level.
It’s when these things are truly displayed on the conscious level, out in the open for all to see, that Mega Depression begins.
You now are forced to come to terms with the negativity that has permeated throughout your life. Like a junky you are addicted to negativity, you may not revel in the fact that you always make things worse, but you always go for that ditch whenever a challenge appears on the road of life.
You are a coward. You have shied away from every challenge that life has given you. Your soul becomes darker as you deflect and distract yourself from the speaking universe. You become an out of synch entity in a reality where everything is provided for you.
And the negativity that comes from your wrongly interpreted choices and decisions becomes like junk. You get a fix wherever you can.
You back out of social obligations, retreat from your friends, sit in your room and smell the stinking life you have made for yourself. You never let anyone get too close, for fear they may come to know you, when you don’t even know yourself.
And if you feel you haven’t worked towards the negativity in your soul, that it’s not your fault, well, how can you possibly believe that positivity will take root and flourish the same as the negative has WITH NO WORK from you at all?
A coward is someone who does nothing. A coward thinks everything will be ok while people die in the streets searching for food or freedom. Cowards keep their love for themselves, thinking it’s the only warmth they will find in this human machine.
A coward doesn’t think of their friends, their closest ties in the web of influence that is humanity. Cowards burn bridges and don’t even admit to the trail of smoke behind them.
Mega-Depression lets out the monster, and it’s up to you to tame it, or kill it. Killing off a part of your personality is very hard and not accepted readily by those that may have been affected by the monster. Even if you kill it, the ghost remains in the hearts of the betrayed, and they may resurrect it at a later time.
It is best to tame the monster.
Let it breath, but only shallow breaths. Never give it heaving lungfuls of what it wants. Accept it as part of you, and like every other part of you, it can be adapted, brought under control. Learned from without being led by.
What you plan to project on the world as a whole, projects onto your loved ones first.
If you want to see the world burn, humanity destroyed, be prepared to watch your own little world burn first, to watch your friendships destroyed.
If you want to be accepted and loved in a world of endless possibilities, well, you work out the grammar.
Or I could just get over myself.
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Comment by Dianna G
I Wish This Was 42
Fictional Worlds
When I get depressed, it's generally because the people I care about are mad at me or fighting with me.
Comment by Emperor Norton
Polishing The Brass
Either that or I could have just been pulling words out of a hat in order to try and describe intangible feelings.
That's the problem with words...
Thanks Dianna,
Emperor N
Comment by Dianna G
I Wish This Was 42
Fictional Worlds
~Dianna