Jared J. H. CatapanoGot any Greatest Hits?
September 1st 2008 02:56
I run a second hand record store in a facless suburb in melting-pot Sydney, and every single day I am literally gobsmacked by the moronity on display from the vast majority of my customers.
Example #314 - Literally 15 minutes ago, a man came in, ear-bud headphones looped over his ears but not in them, yet still blaring music, in some vain attempt to communicate with me.
He then asks,
'Hey man, how you doing? Uhh, I need a bit of help, what greatest hits do you have?'
'Greatest Hits of what or who?' I ask.
'I dunno, just some greatest hits, if you could just point them out..'
'Compilations are to your left mate.'
He turns to the left and looks over my quite well-stocked Compilations section, but I can hear his brain rattling with the effort it takes to comprehend such a concept, so he turns back to me,
'Can you just give us a bit of help man?'
I walk around the corner of the counter, hoping that I look like I'm scratching my beard rather than imitating blowing my brains through the top of my head with a finger-gun, and proceed to point out some titles.
'Coolest Rock Album Ever, Southern Rock's Greatest Hits, Spirit of the 60's box set...'
'Do you have like, any, uhh, greatest hits, of uhhh, Icehouse?'
Finally! Information!
I tell him I don't anyway and titter in my head as one of the voices prays he gets hit by a bus when he leaves, splattering his Icehouse loving, stupid brains all over the road.
Example #314 - Literally 15 minutes ago, a man came in, ear-bud headphones looped over his ears but not in them, yet still blaring music, in some vain attempt to communicate with me.
He then asks,
'Hey man, how you doing? Uhh, I need a bit of help, what greatest hits do you have?'
'Greatest Hits of what or who?' I ask.
'I dunno, just some greatest hits, if you could just point them out..'
He turns to the left and looks over my quite well-stocked Compilations section, but I can hear his brain rattling with the effort it takes to comprehend such a concept, so he turns back to me,
'Can you just give us a bit of help man?'
I walk around the corner of the counter, hoping that I look like I'm scratching my beard rather than imitating blowing my brains through the top of my head with a finger-gun, and proceed to point out some titles.
'Coolest Rock Album Ever, Southern Rock's Greatest Hits, Spirit of the 60's box set...'
'Do you have like, any, uhh, greatest hits, of uhhh, Icehouse?'
Finally! Information!
I tell him I don't anyway and titter in my head as one of the voices prays he gets hit by a bus when he leaves, splattering his Icehouse loving, stupid brains all over the road.
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